Sunday {on the way to church} the Holy Spirit stirred my heart to realize I had deep bitterness that I never thought was there. He brought to my mind a conversation I had earlier that week. A conversation regarding social injustice. He brought to light my attitude regarding the subject of foster care and adoption. He brought conviction as I recalled my previous conversation.
You see, I had trusted God through our struggle with infertility... I had leaned into Him through every procedure and even through the miscarriage(s) of our children... I had never wavered on the fact that He told us, "No" when we were going to adopt boy and girl... He has been Faithful! He has been unchanging! He has been our strong tower! He has held us with His righteous right hand! I never thought I was bitter {truly} it never even crossed my mind until Sunday.
Sunday - He showed me that I was bitter toward people who foster. I was bitter toward people who adopt. I was judgmental toward them and their situations because {after all} why would God give them permission to adopt and tell me, "No." He brought conviction on my spirit before I even got to church and then the message {On Justice!!!} just solidified what His spirit was already showing me. He broke me and I am so thankful. Thankful that He revealed this awful sin that was in my heart. Thankful that He showed me that I was bitter, angry and judgmental.
He showed me bitterness that I didn't know was there... He allowed me to confess this as sin... He cleansed me... He set me free.... He set me free from the bitterness that held me captive...
I love how He moves me along.
I love how He shows Himself to me in doses that I can handle.
I love how He reveals sin.
I love how He gives me the courage to confess when I am wrong.
I love that He is not rushed.
I love that He is not frantic.
I love that He is refining me day by day.
Praise Be To God!!!
