If you haven't figured it out by now... I have some pretty {messed up} views of my self-image and {used to be} self-worth. I have tried {for years} to combat these views with scripture and re-train my mind to focus on the truths found in God's word.
Sometimes {this morning being one them} I find it hard to believe these truths. A couple of weeks ago God pointed some important things out to me during my time with Him. I sat down and made a list of all the things that clutter my mind {on a daily/regular basis}.
Well, I was kinda shocked when my list was finished because most of it had to do with my image, my appearance, my body, etc. You would think that a girl that has been over-weight {her entire life} wouldn't care about her body. Wouldn't focus on her diet. Wouldn't care about her appearance... WRONG!!!!
......Job......Acceptance......Food......Diet......Failure.......Clients......Insecurities......Excercise......Instagram......Weight......Appearance......Fear.......Job......Acceptance......Food......Diet......Failure.......Clients......Insecurities......Excercise......Instagram......Weight......Appearance......Fear.......Job......Acceptance......Food......Diet......Failure.......Clients......Insecurities......Excercise......Instagram......Weight......Appearance......Fear.......Job......Acceptance......Food......Diet
Well, I was kinda shocked when my list was finished because most of it had to do with my image, my appearance, my body, etc. You would think that a girl that has been over-weight {her entire life} wouldn't care about her body. Wouldn't focus on her diet. Wouldn't care about her appearance... WRONG!!!!
This {obsession} has lasted too long and I am fearful that it is something I will be combating for years to come. I am ready to give it up, guys. I am ready to {live this life} and stop trying to conquer this demon on my own. No, I am not talking about seeing a dietitian, hiring a personal trainer, or even running a million miles. I am simply talking about walking in obedience. I am talking about living this life in daily obedience to the Lord and {NOT} focusing on the outcome.
That last phrase, {NOT} focusing on the outcome, almost makes me sick. {Not} focusing on the outcome makes me have to release control. {Not} focusing on the outcome makes my stomach hurt. {Not} focusing on the outcome means that I am no longer calling the shots. It's hard to explain, but even though I have done a lousy job controlling my weight {it's been my job} since the 5th grade. It's been mine to control since I started my very first diet at the age of 12 !!!
{Not} focusing on the outcome means I release total control to the Lord.
{Not} focusing on the outcome means I obey whether or not it benefits me physically...
...STAY TUNED FOR MORE !
